I know of many brothers who grow their beards long in Western Countries. MashaAllah.
These brothers go to lectures at the Masjid. MashaAllah.
They hold protests against those who try to bring Islam down. MashaAllah.
They prepare themselves and their finances to gain a pious, preferably virgin, wife. MashaAllah.
In their spare time they Volunteer at the Masjid or Local Islamic Schools. MashaAllah.
They go home and download porn. Masha--- SAY WHAT!
Yes, these brothers who strive to be ultra pious on the outside, many have a deep weakness. For Porn. Whether it's soft, hard, alternative, whatever. They download it and then get off on it.
They violate their bodies, their hands, and their future wife's rights. Many know the consequences of too much masturbation leads to premature ejaculation and other sexual disorders that cause a problem for the wife to get her pleasure with or before her husband as is recommended by Islam. Not only they are harming themselves physically and their wives they are harming their own eyes and soul looking at these women. They start thinking all women must act like this. Later they get married and demand their wives put on a show for them. Sure nothing wrong with that since they are married but what good Muslimah grows up knowing how to lap dance, do oral, have sex in multiple positions, and catwalk around a pole? Most do not and then the men are disappointed when their wives feebly (no offense ladies) try to be enticing. MEN WAKE UP! Of course your wife is not going to perform at the level of a PROFESSIONAL PORN STAR! You would not married her if she had that kind of knowledge because how would she have ever have gotten it and been able to apply it? Practice? So then you leave your boring wife to get another one OR you go behind her back and start doing Haram either linking up Porn on the net or going to Haram places like strip clubs behind her back. They become increasingly dissatisfied with how their wives look and act until they create more fitnah for all. All because of Porn.
When the Qur'an orders you to lower your gaze it Ain't just talking about WOMEN, it's referring to YOU MEN who stare at women and love the beauty of women. LOOK DOWN! Turn your head! Do not google Bikini. Do not click on that link. Deny Shaytan the pleasure of watching your downfall. And Women if you catch him WHOA girl let him know it is not excepted. It IS HARAM! Make your rights known. You are the only one who his eyes may fall upon.
So be careful that even though you may think your future husband is pure as honey he might be hiding a devious secret. I'll leave it to my readers to offer suggestions about how to Figure out or ask your intended if he does this. Think hard.
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18 comments:
Asalaamu `alaikum
Soo0oo... how are we supposed to know? During a meeting just be like "Salaam... do you look at porn?"
*rofl*
Alhamdulillah my marriage does not have this problem!
Aalia: LOL nor mine. Alhamdulilah. And BTW, I did ask. I was like, you have never done something like this have you? Honest answer was, friends at school passed out pictures but that stuff is fake and I'm not into that. If you've got a wife, your eyes are for her alone, and you don't want your mother or sister or wife to act like that. Alhamdulilah!
This post is ON POINT! Seriously the media even plays all these scenes for people and they think intimacy is amazing and everyone is pleased in the end and what not. No, most of the time women are left unpleased, and men have ideas of their women looking drop dead gorgeous in flattering clothing. They've never seen her body before and pray that under that abaya or skirt is the most beautiful figure, like the photo shopped and binging ones on TV ! Reality is, not everyone has a flattering figure, men don't all have abs and a woman will not look how 24/7. This is so disappointing for both men and women, because women as well feel men have the power to woo them off their feet. Ughh, it sets people up and they have high expectations subhanAllah
as salam aleykoum
of course every women will say that about her husband and really no offense sister towards ur husbands masha allah
i think that some part of our life need to be hidden our sins need to be hiden seriously
no need to ask him if in the past he watched porn the meaning and the most important is that once he get married with me he stops
i do want to know what he did in the past i belive that he needs to make tawba to confess to God not to me excepted maybe about his virginity i need to know if he is virgin or not
no one is perfect but i agree with what u said in ur article it is haram and very bad
so funny the part about the lap dance stuff (^_^)but according to what i read maybe i should try to start training lol just kidding
This is been completely and utterly spot on. And I mean it! I just posted on how I ended up giving in to husband's lingering addiction to porn, strip clubs, and escorts, and accompanied him to a strip club. It was the first time in 10 years that I took off niqaab.
He told me that it was hard growing up because Arab men are kept away from that world, and they yearn for it. Still. These guys need a serious grip. And yes, he also has a beard.
Flifla: my husband was honest about worse things than porn so I am certain this wasn't one of those issues. But I agree, if the brother repents and puts his mind on the straight path, khalas, that is good enough for me, but then, I wasn't born a Muslim and held to very high standards. I am might be more strict and oicky if I had.
Awsome post sis!!
excellent blog, i couldnt have said it better =)
Ladies, you need to make sure your husband is not engaging in such a sick act by asking!!! I know some will roll their eyes and think why would he tell me if he is? That is why you need to be careful who you choose as your spouse. Do your research, find out who he hangs out with, how practicing he is, etc. I sincerely believe that friends influence ones character! If your husband is hanging out with shady, hypocritical men who mix freely with women, i would be strict to tell him to change his friends ASAP! we are who we hang out with!!!! Do not be naieve enough to think that if your husband hangs out with a bad crowd that he will not be influenced. Maybe 1% wont, be the other 99% will!!!!
Make istikhara, and make lots of dua to Allah to show you the truth.
This video is a good reminder for brothers who might be tempted: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXkiPtgaM9U&feature=related (I find men our visual sooooo...)
nothing could have been more shocking and hurtful to a woman than to have been in a marriage with a man who was an imam-- esteemed, celebrated, applauded by others as being an 'example' only to discover that he had been purchasing pornographic magazines, ordering xxx rated movies on t.v. and watching xxx porn on the computer in his office while surrounded by qurans, texts on islam and the life of the prophet!his addiction coloured the manner in which he treated me, (his wife), and our children.the discovery of his pornographic addiction was merely the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back--porn made him a poor husband and father(insensitive, harsh, and volatile).more so-called 'muslim' men are into this than you may think and you better believe that most are not going to confess to it if asked!
wallahi if i caught my husband watching porn i'd warn him once and then if i caught him again, i'd divorce him. why the hell would i wear hijab and and subject myself to bad looks and negative vibes when my husband is so weak he can't even lower his gaze? i'm so with you on this.
and i HATE when men give the excuse "it's hard for men to lower their gaze". BUN THAT. we get tempted too. it's all BS. them watching porn is like a muslim woman not wearing hijab..they're both going against the whole hijab rule. stupid, stupid men.
Naseem: Except worse, in my books, because they are condoning and encourgaing fornication.
-Intisar
First I just want to say yeah for your blog, I'm glad I found it. These are subjects I have strong feelings on too.
Now for my actual comment... I have talked this one out before, and I have some level of interest in it because I am heavily on the side of "stop consuming so women will stop being victomised by the sex industry". That said, I have heard these same pious men say that they are actually AVOIDING HARAM by watching this stuff. They feel that they should do this rather than the bigger sin of fornication.
I can see that on some level, and if you can convince yourself with that excuse, well OK. But, I'm not sold. To these brothers I can only say the following.
There is no magic switch that will get turned in your head when you get married. You will be tempted to(and probably will) keep watching this junk after marriage.
Worse yet (yes it gets worse), these men bring a twisted set of fantasys to marraige based on these tapes. Now there may be some acts that the wife will actually enjoy... But there will be more that she finds utterly degrading and that will hurt her and distance her from her husband if he demands that she perform them. And he will because he has been dreaming of actually doing what he has been watching all this time.
Porn is such an objectification of women, and that is never a heathy picture to have in a man's mind when thinking about his intimate relationship with his wife.
Just my 2 piasters as usual, and the fact is the whole world is in this age of porn right now... Not just the Muslims. But we have the warnings, so why aren't we avoiding this pitfall???? Who knows. What makes men think this is different than going and having a drink at the bar? Or getting a hand job at a massage parlor??? Who knows.
**big sigh**
Allah help us all.
Sallam Sis,
Strong words, in strong language. I must say even your entire blog title is scathing, seering even. So no surprise that your words are the strongest.
I too am opinionated, and so if we differ this only on some levels.
The idea that masturbation is the worst of worst does not seem feasible to me. Although perhaps it is an arguable issue in Islam. I believe the mathhabs differ a bit but most consider it makkruh.
That said, porn and the industry of sex trafficking are closely and tragically related. It is the ultimate in degrading behavior forced, pressured and otherwise dealt out to women who are vulnerable, poor or mistreated in life.
Perhaps this blog post represents what I see as justified and fiery anger as the undertone in your other posts.
Very interesting things to say.
Let me also add, in a perfect world where people all over and our youth, InshaAllah DO practice abstinence until marriage they do deserve a certain respect and intimacy, each.
Lowering the gaze isn't always easy, but it's equally if not more required from some folks. If one's thoughts can't stay in clean territory, best to check the tiles. But I think happy, loving and fulfilling marriage puts the breaks on too much straying eyes/minds.
Thoughtful words,
aisha
Aalia and Pixie, see you learn something new about best friends everyday. there are ways to ask it's all about how you approach it. If you're not comfortable then how can you discuss anything important? this is your future at stake.
Lazeena RIGHT ON with this. so sadly true!
Flifa if it's important for you to ask then do so but if not well it's up to you but I for one would like to know ahead of time! LOL have fun practicing inshaAllah in the privacy of your home....
Lisa I pity your situation with your husband. i could probably post a hundred topics about him. Sorry to hear about your sufferings.
Thanks Turkish Muslimah!
Spot on Thirst for Knowledge!
Spot on!
Thanks for the Link Pixie!
Anon, I'm so so so so so very sorry for what you have suffered and inshaAllah you are on a better path this day. I hope you can find soemone worthy to live your life with in peace and purity. See women it IS an important topic to talk about before marraige!
Naseem, good for you! I'm glad you can be so strong bt I hope this wont happen to you!
Umm Layla: Maaan! Right on! I don't buy this excuse either that they are avoiding sin, a sin is a sin. Puuuuleeese!
Opinionated Hijabi: thanks for your interesting comment and thoughtful words to. i disagree that is is makrouk and follwo that it is a sin. Look at the harm it causes! But I tahnk you for your words nevertheless!
Salaams,
First off I wanna say you have a good point. Porn is not gonna do anything good for the soul. What concerns me, is how do you know all that information? Through experience? Through gossiping? Its almost as if your making all Muslim guys seem this way. Which is not fact, but your opinion based on the knowledge you've gained through who knows what sources. The fact that the brother is ultra pious all around and has this problem does not mean you can judge him. Only Allah swt can judge him. What if he knows he has this problem, wants to stop it, but shaytan knows his weakness and attacks him that way. No one can say that shaytan does not have an effect on them...he is our enemy, he will always try. My question is, how many times my sister did you wake up for Tahajud and make dua for that type of brother? To say Oh Allah, hes a good brother because he obviously believes in you, but help him stop that sin. And if you say that you dont know a brother like that, then you are generalizing with your opinions...in which case you should then make dua for those type of brothers in general. The other thing is that my sisters, what you do in the privacy of your bedroom with your husbands...is not to be discussed openly. It is your responsibility to let him know what you like and dont like in that privacy..and if you made a good choice of selecting your husband, he will respect you. Also, you speak on the wife having a problem with "getting her pleasure". Well, what if the brother has never seen porn in his life and still has problems "giving her pleasure"? Or what if he has looked at porn before and has no problem "giving pleasure" because he is naturally able to? The fact of the matter is that ALLAH swt is in control of that. Not us. What we are capable of is communicating to the spouse what likes and dislikes are. Finally, in your first sentence you say "I know of many brothers who grow their beards long in western countries". Well, sister, maybe you should stick to knowing your husband, and not generalize the way you do. As if men in other parts of world are different human beings. Make dua for the Ummah of the Prophet pbuh, my sister with sincerity rather than "exposing" it in a bad light so the people(possibly non muslims) who happen to come across your blog (as I did) dont make over generalizations because of your opinions and generalizations. And for the record, I was honest with my wife about the porn issue. She never asked me, but she appreciated my honesty over the fact that I had committed the sin in my past as a youth.
Peace,
Abdullah
Sorry to say this but us sisters would be very naive to think that Muslim men in the west are innocent. I was trust me! i have a perfect dream of marrying a guy who is a virgin and why not i am so i deserve that. But i had a wake up call... when i too discovered that most ot he "bearded" men at unviersity liked to indulge in women and clubbing and god nos what else. At first i was hurt and angry.... becuase the fact is there is no chance i will meet a virgin brother my age. If i want that got to marry them while they are still young lol.
After i realised that men are weak and muslim men in the West will have alot in thier past i became depressed at the thought and actually refused to ever get married.
I am a pretty strict sister but i have to face up to facts that men are weak and if i am to marry a brother who lives in the west i may have to accept he did some stupid things.
But as long as he is different and literally doen a complete U turn then i dont know if i can hold it against him. If i dont make a compramise then i may be single forever :(
And i know alot of sisters who are married to brothers who they think are "angels" but me and my family know better. And i think becuase i have seen this so many times in the muslim community in england, i have begun to realise that Virgin men dont exist anymore!
Like the prophet SAW said. 3 thigns the ummah will try make halal which is haram. Music, Drinking of wine and fornication. And it is already evident.
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